lord. was i dawg tarred friday night. i’d gotten up early, hit the gym, walked home and enjoyed, yes!, the cold weather. it’s been warm, then cold, then warm, then cold for two weeks now. but still, yesterday had that frosty feel in the air, almost like home. you know when the grass is still out and then an early cold snap, so when you walk on grass it crunches? yeah. that.
work was ok, but there was some stuff going on that made me grumpy toward my fellow human beans (tms). and then the project manager said she wanted an issue out of her hair and i thought, “*YOU* want an issue out of your hair. *YOU* do? well, fuck me.” So, I left. I always take a late lunch anyway, but I got up, left the building, and took a long, determined, walk like I got somewhere to go, walk. I was pissed.
Fortunately, not for long. It doesn’t take much more than a extended 10 minute jaunt to get my mind off things and to breathe in the fresh, cold air and think, “This is fucking awesome! Life is grand!”
But I did continue walking. I discovered an old cemetary and some garden paths through the historic district and enjoyed that — even though I didn’t slow down and dawdle. It was just an enjoyable environment.
Pottery class was very cool, btw. I learned how to wedge the clay — get the air bubbles out — and we tried throwing on our wheels. Why come, I asked the instructor, it seemed so effortless when I was a kid? I threw pottery for an art class and made a pretty bowl, which I still have. It’s not perfect — but it ain’t bad. And I don’t remember wedging class for it. Wedging is rather strenuous. It’s almost like kneading bread dough, except clay is a lot more dense than dough! And thus, it’s pretty tough on the forearms.
I’m discovering that what is most threatening about all this is that I don’t at all feel competent. And that is fun. After years of doing things with which I feel reasonably confident, pottery and anything else associated with Art, is throwing me into a world with which I’m completely unsure of myself.
This is a good thing.
I was thinking about this. Of course I’ve done things, for years, where I didn’t feel completely competent. Obviously, starting the business threw me into things that I’d never done before: writing up a contract, coming up with business proposals, writing business proposals. But, what’s different is that there was always a foundation. I could write; therefore, I could write a proposal. It wasn’t entirely new.
Pottery — the actual phsycial skills are new — and *so is* the activity of being, well, I guess you’d call it ‘creative.” There, I’m completely unsure of myself. And so I don’t feel competent — not in the actual physical work of wedging and pinching and coiling and throwing. Nor in the realm of creativity. I am not sure what I want to do with the hunk of clay. I did notice that it almost felt as if I got in this groove or space with the clay, where I was — this sounds stupid — listening to it. I was doing stuff to the clay, trying to get used to the movement and what I had to do to get it to do what I wanted. I kind of felt like that was my goal: to figure out how that particular lump of clay worked and what I could make it do if I did this or that or added more water. I don’t know if I was supposed to do this, but it felt right to me.
Anyway, I’m mulling over the project I’d like to pursue. I’ve had various ideas and I can’t settle on anything that really blows my skirt up.
As for working out, I was supposed to meet with the trainer tonight. I got a phone call when I walked into the house after work. I ignored it. Local call. I could only fathom work calling at 6 p.m. So. I got ready for the gym, had some coffee. Sat there for a while feeling really worn out from the week. Just dawg tarred.
I was thinking that, if I had my druthers, I’d skip the training session. But I’m not good at bailing out on my obligations like that. So, I walked over and it was cold brrrrr cold, and I forgot money and felt terrible as I got panhandled all the way there. There are some fast food joints, so a lot of homeless people looking for money around that time on a Friday night I guess.
Got there and my trainer wasn’t there. HE decided to bail on me — and on our second date too! I decided to work out anyway, though man, I was exhausted and pissed b/c I hadn’t brought anything to read.
walking: 90 minutes (to and from work; walking at lunch time, to and from gym — 5 miles)
cardio: 50 minutes (20 minutes crosstrainer; 30 minutes elliptical)
yeah yeah. I know. I am supposed to be lifting. Well!When I realized that, even though I was walking all over hell, I was still out of shape when it came to certain muscles, I realized that walking just isn’t enough. So, while I do it to save money, enjoy the day, etc. etc. Walking isn’t exactly getting me in tip top training shape.
And I was supposed to get an introduction to the machines with the trainer — but dewd was a no show and so I don’t really know which of the sets of machines to use there — or even if I’m using them right.
I could use free weights but this is what I learned at the Y: I had been doing it wrong. I used free weights at home. I inherited a set of weights from someone who couldn’t bring them with him when he moved and sonshine wanted them. So, years ago, I got some books out and learned to lift on my own as a gym membership was way too expensive for my beer budget at the time.
But at the Y, working with their trainer for the free introductory training they give you, I’d learned I was doing it wrong — just in terms of the machines they have there. So, I’m pretty concerned about not wasting my time and doing it all wrong. If I’m going to train, I want to train.
So, that is why I still don’t have my lifting routine noted here just yet. Hopefully, next week!
